Operation: NUMB
by Dylan and Toback
Summary: (WARNING: NSFW OR CHILDREN TO THE EXTREME! DO NOT SAY WE DIDN'T WARN YOU!) Nigel bared witness to the evil and debauchery going on around him. This is what has become of all his hard work and sacrifice. Slowly the nausea and pain subsided. His vision faded to blackness. He was... numb.
1. Numb

I do not own Codename: Kids Next Door, but that would be pretty cool.

Operation: N.U.M.B.

Nigel

Underestimates

Most

Bystanders

Nigel was contemplating what cereal to eat for breakfast when he heard the tree house doorbell ring. He ran down the stairs screaming "Coming! Coming!" in an obnoxious British accent. He hurriedly opened the door to find his obese girlfriend grinning widely at him.

"Hi, Nigel!" Lizzie screamed. "My daddy's out of town and I want you to come over to help organize my sea shell collection."

"Not now, Lizzie!" Nigel replied. "I have to deliver a very important speech about the importance of disregarding safety rules adults tell you." He pushed her aside and sprinted across the street after looking one way.

Suddenly a car smashed right into his side, shattering his ribs. "Nigel!" Lizzie screamed. Numbuh 1 got up on his feet. "Shut up Lizzie, I'm fine."

"Holy shit!" screamed the driver while jumping out of his car. "Watch where you're going, you little cunt!"

Nigel turned his head to see Father standing beside the Prius Sedan that hit him. Taken aback by this, he tried to jump into his defense position, but due to his injury, it caused an enormous rupture in his liver. Nigel fell to his knees and began to vomit tampons and Viagra pills, along with his own blood.

Feeling an intense erection in her pants, Lizzie ran to the scene and dropped to her knees, licking the excretions with great speed.

"Oh shit, there's gonna be a hell of a law suit for this!" Father screamed, as he began to project diarrhea from his ass with great speed and distance. The diarrhea covered Lizzie's face, and the noxious fumes caused her to hallucinate.

Among all of this, Hoagie - or Numbuh 2, as he was more commonly known - stood bent over his telescope in the KND tree house. He was vigorously jerking his dick as he watched the scene from above, using his morning oatmeal as a makeshift lubricant. Numbuh 2 was rubbing his dick so hard, in fact, that his penis started blistering, causing puss to spew from it, onto his face. He licked it off, enjoying the savory taste as it entered his mouth. The longer he jerked off, the more damage he was doing. Eventually his dick started to bleed, causing him to pass out from loss of blood.

Numbuh 5 came into the room and proceeded to shit in his mouth. She unzipped his pants, and started to lick the sweet blood, semen, and puss mixture off of his dick.

"Numbuh 5 is diggin' this shit, baby!" she exclaimed. Suddenly, she was cut short, as Nigel's father stepped into the room.

"I brought you children a platter of cookies - WHAT THE DEVIL?" he screamed, as he looked down to see Abigail devouring Numbuh 2's genitalia, with bodily fluids dripping from her mouth.

Without hesitation, the large man ripped off his trousers and promptly sat on her face, pissing into his mouth all the while.

Meanwhile, on ground level, Father proceeded to wipe his ass with sand paper. Lizzie began to envision Satan rising from the ground, asking her to execute the Jews. She promptly responded, "Yes, my good lord and savior," and began sprinting to the senior citizen's home to viciously murder Hoagie's grandmother.

As she ran, she was stopped by Numbuh 3, who was standing in the nude with a large dick hanging between her legs and a car battery clipped to her nipples. She ordered Lizzie to stop. Before Lizzie could answer, Father caught up with the two and immediately sliced open Numbuh 3's stomach with a pocket knife, causing her to scream very loudly. He proceeded to shit into the cavity he created in her corpse and vomited onto the transfixed Lizzie. He then smashed her cranium against the pavement, slurping up the blood and gray matter while he grinded against the ground.

Father looked up and saw the "Delightful Children from Down the Lane" peering down at him, completely mortified.

Father was guilt stricken as he immediately realized what he had done. Clearly, he couldn't let himself have so much fun without including his wonderful children. "Come here, my precious little angels," Father said, "Your virginity shall be mine!" The Delightful Children stared blankly at him, not knowing how to respond.

Nigel bared witness to the evil and debauchery going on around him. This is what has become of all his hard work and sacrifice. Slowly the nausea and pain subsided. His vision faded to blackness. He was... numb.


	2. Breaking the News

Nigel slowly opened his eyes and noticed a bright light above him. He kept going in and out of consciousness. Finally, he awoke at 4 AM in a dentist's operating room. "Nigel? Are you awake, Nigel?" a faint voice asked him.

He rubbed his eyes frantically, with an anxious desire to know where he was. All of a sudden, he recognized the speaker of the mysterious voice. It was Knightbrace, garbed in his familiar purple latex that he'd come to know too well. Nigel panicked when he looked down to find himself tied firmly to the bed, with his legs spread wide across.

Knightbrace emerged into the room. "It's no use Nigel Uno!" he yelled, his annoying lisp echoing through the operating room. "You're tied down with the strongest floss in my collection." Nigel, frustrated, looked around the room for signs of anything that could help him escape.

But it was no use. The Sector V leader realized at once that he had no means of escape. "Alright dentist, do your worst!" This made the dark figure smile. As he licked his lips, he slowly withdrew a large, rusty chainsaw from below the table.

Nigel thought he was a goner, but then felt a sharp pain in his side. Voila! He realized that he had completely forgotten about his shattered ribs until now. He swiftly pulled one of his bottom ribs out and cut himself loose, narrowly dodging Knightbrace's syphilis infected chainsaw. "Fuck you Nigel!" he screamed in frustration. Nigel quickly bounced off the wall to his left and lodged himself straight towards Knightbrace. Nigel stuck his bottom rib directly into Knightbrace's leg, causing him to drop his chainsaw. He then picked up the chainsaw and rammed it into Knightbrace's ball sack.

"Ouch," said Knightbrace. Nigel took his weakness as a chance to grab Knightbrace's torn scrotum, ripping out his testicles and stuffing them into the crook's nose, causing him to plead for air. But he couldn't have that air, and Nigel grinned darkly, stuffing a forceful fist up the villain's anus, grabbing anything he could find and tearing it violently.

Knightbrace was bleeding profusely from every part of his body, while choking on his own vomit. Nigel stepped away slowly, still keeping his guard up.

"Any last words, Knightbrace?"

"Yeah" Knightbrace replied.

"What's that?"

"Remember how all the blood spewing from my bloody scrotum sack splattered all over you?"

"What about it?"

"Well the joke's on you Nigel. I may have the cleanest teeth, but when it comes to getting pussy, I'm a dirty mother fucker. You just contracted an STD from me, which I acquired from fucking a zombie hooker."

Nigel dropped the chainsaw from his hand and stepped back in shock.

"You liar!" Nigel screamed at him in frustration. He grabbed two toothbrushes from the cart and stabbed them hard into Knightbrace's eyes.

"Son of a fuck!" shrieked Knightbrace.

Nigel quickly fled the scene. Although he didn't want to admit it, he realized Knightbrace was probably right. He had to get medical attention, and fast.

Nigel limped to the elevator, only to find that it was out of order. 'Where is everybody?' he thought to himself. 'I mean sure, nobody likes the fucking dentist's office, but there's literally nobody here.' He dismissed his thoughts and decided to roll to the nearest stairwell, causing him to literally roll down the stairs. He tripped painfully down three flights to the second floor, with a few shattered teeth and a bad case of limp dick.

Suddenly, a colony of mushrooms began growing on Nigel's face, yelling sarcastic and mean spirited comments at him. "You stupid English prick, stop ya whining and walk it off!" one exclaimed in a Boston accent. Nigel was getting weaker by the second.

He spit out the teeth he had smashed from rolling down the stairwell. He didn't miss them, being an ugly fucking Brit and all. On the sidewalk, he looked around, but the town was still deserted. He knew that if he needed help, there was only one person who could help him. He ran as fast as he could to Wally's house, hoping he hadn't been savagely murdered like his other friends.

Nigel finally reached Wally's house and knocked on the door repeatedly. There was no answer. He knocked again, except louder. Finally, he heard his Aussie friend shout "Hold on, hold on, I'm coming! Can't a guy have five fucking minutes to jack off to anorexia porn? Fuck!"

Nigel was relieved to hear Wally. The door opened quickly, startling Nigel. "What the fuck happened to you?" Wally asked, with a surprised look on his face. "Ya got fucking magic mushrooms growing on ya face!"

"Wally," Nigel replied, "I need to come inside, I'll explain as soon as you get me bandaged up."

Nigel followed Wally through the hallway, nervously waving to his parents doing it on the dining table, while Joey jacked off to it in his booster seat.

"Up this way," Wally said, leading him up the stairs to his bedroom door. He opened the door when they suddenly saw Stickybeard, who smashed Wally straight in the face with a cinderblock, and dragged his body to the corner where he unloaded inhuman amounts of semen into his ear saying "Argh, they don't call me Stickybeard fer nuthin!'"

But Nigel had gone through this too many times, he knew the routine. Before the pirate could notice, he grabbed a flaming fire iron from the fireplace and stuck it up the pirate's ass.

"Ooooh," Stickybeard rebutted. "The old fire iron up the ass trick, eh?" Stickybeard quickly pulled the fire iron out of his rectum. "Watch as I lick my shit stains off laddy!"

Nigel smiled, knowing this would not work in Stickybeard's favor. Stickybeard stuck his crustaceous tongue onto the iron, which singed it right off. He was in agonizing pain, but could not express it through words, due to his missing tongue.

Wally picked up Stickybeard's tongue and viciously devoured it with ease. "How are you going to enjoy the candy you steal without your precious tongue, Sticky?" This infuriated the already enraged pirate even more.

"Aye but ye've forgotten me other tongue!" replied the seafarer. He ripped off his coat to show the duo a second tongue overlooking two testicles where any other fellow might house a penis. He laughed a hearty laugh while simultaneously licking his scrotum clean. Nigel pushed him forcefully into the fire itself, and watched the faggot burn terribly, his muscles constricting as the house echoed with his screams of agony.

Wally turned to Nigel. "Numbuh 1... What the fuck is going on?" Nigel stared nervously away from Wally, gathering up the courage to tell him.

"Okay Numbuh 4, there's a lot of bad shit happening right now." Nigel took ten minutes explaining everything that happened previously, to Wally. "...and here I am."

Wally's jaw was dropped and his eyes were bulging out.

"Are you okay Numbuh 4?"

Wally walked down his staircase, not uttering a single word. He slowly trudged over to his mom and dad.

"Well 'ey there son, whatcha up to, mate?" Wally's dad quickly pulled his dick out of his wife, accidently slapping Joey in the face with it as he passed. Joey took advantage of this opportunity and licked up as much semen from his face as he possibly could.

"Dad, Kuki was killed by some guy earlier today," he announced to his dad privately.

"Crikey! Is that that ugly chinky girl you hang out with?" his dad asked curiously.

"Yeah dad, I really don't know what to do."

"Haha son, you need to learn that pussy is pussy, and let's just say, I really like pussy. You'll find another place to stick your donger eventually. Speaking of which, I'm gonna go take a nice dump on your mam while she blows me. I'll show you how it's done!"

But Wally was tired of watching his dad fuck him mom over his kangaroo casserole, night after night. He ran upstairs to his room, to cry his eyes out. Nigel sighed. 'Poor Numbuh 4,' he thought to himself.

"Joey, get ya binkey outta your arse!" Wally's mom exclaimed while having a screaming orgasm in the background.

Nigel went up to the guest room and fell off into a deep, dark sleep...


	3. Cruel World

Nigel awoke suddenly after hearing a loud thud coming from downstairs. He looked at the alarm clock beside his bed in the guest room to see it was still only 6 AM. He decided to get up and look out a frost covered window. The streets were still deserted and street lamps kept flickering on and off. Knowing he probably wouldn't be able to sleep after everything that happened the night before, he quietly left the guest room and began to creep downstairs for a glass of water, due to an uncomfortable condition of cottonmouth he was experiencing.

Once he got to the kitchen sink, he turned the faucet on, but no water came out. 'What's going on?' he wondered to himself.

"Thirsty, Number 1?" he heard five low, demonic voices say from behind him. He turned and saw them, the Delightful Children from Down the Lane, with Father standing behind them with an eerie, satisfied expression.

Nigel immediately stepped back in utter disbelief. The Delightful Children were now not so delightful looking. Every single member's face was torn to shreds and hideously disfigured. They were completely naked, with puss spewing lesions all over their body. Lenny's football helmet was burned to a crisp, black color. They all reeked of PCP and alcohol.

He noticed that Father had increased the size of his hand, each elongated finger planted firmly in each delightful child asshole. His other hand was occupied by furiously pumping his large flaming penis, showering the children in black semen. "Well Numbuh 1, I think it's time you join your deceased friends." With this, Father took out a monitor from his silhouetted figure which showed the carcasses of Numbuhs 2, 3, and 5 all attached to one another, anus to mouth, completely naked.

Numbuh 1 gasped, "You'll never take me with you."

At that moment, Numbuh 4 wandered into the living room. "What the bloody hell does it take to gangbang your little brother without any noise?" he asked aggressively.

Numbuh 4 quickly realized the situation he was in and grabbed a kitchen knife. "Stay back, I warn you!" he yelled. "I'm not afraid to use things!"

Joey crawled into the room at that very moment. "Well, well," Father said. "What do we have here?" he picked up Joey. Numbuh 4's face turned pale and he immediately dropped his weapon. "I have a special surprise for this little guy," Father continued. "Toilenator, come in here, you useless piece of shit! And bring your plunger!"

"You wouldn't!" Numbuh 4 replied. Toilenator quickly crawled into the room, with his legs severed off of his body. The blood streaks completely covered the living room rug.

Father snatched the plunger from the Toilenator and stomped on the cripple's head until he lost consciousness. Devoting both his hands now, he held the Aussie infant with one hand, using the other to probe his anus forcefully with the plunging end of the plunger. With every push-and-pull movement, more blood and bile began pouring out of the infant boy's asshole. Father then viciously ripped the plunger out, allowing all of the baby boy's vital organs to collapse onto the floor. Joey screamed, confused of why the world could be so cruel. Father just chuckled as he proceeded to cut the boy's face off with the same knife he used on Numbuh 3. Father veiled himself with it as if it were a mask. After he'd had his fun, he threw the dead body at Numbuh 4 and cackled snugly. "Maybe you can take that fucking teddy bear with you to sleep, bitch!" Father screamed.

Numbuh 4 fell to his knees, feeling vulnerable and weak after witnessing the death of his baby brother. He didn't understand why a human being that had only been recently brought into the world, who couldn't even speak yet, had to be murdered in such a brutal and vicious manner. Wally picked up the knife he previously dropped and stabbed himself in the throat with it. Nigel listened to the disgusting gagging noise Wally made as he slowly and painfully died.

Suddenly, it was morning. Nigel awoke in his bed and realized it was all just a nightmare. He still couldn't get that horrible gagging noise out of his head, but felt very relieved. Then, he realized, that he could still hear the gagging noise. He looked down to see a very strange and unexpected surprise...


	4. Unexpected Obstacles

Numbuh 1 looked down to find the gagging noise to be real as he saw a strange figure with a lion's mane performing an intense blowjob on his penis.

"Who the fuck are you?" Nigel shouted in alarm. When the stranger looked up, Nigel recognized him as the intrusive worker at the amusement park from his vacation years before.

"Who's a happy boy?" he cried cheerfully.

"Get the fuck out of here!" Nigel screamed.

"Who's a happy boy?" the theme park worker asked again. Nigel promptly kicked him in the teeth and watched them fall to the ground. The worker then tried to run out of the guest room but accidently ran into the shut door, causing it to break into many miniscule wood chips. Every wood chip impaled the theme park worker, including his eyes, which blinded him. "Ahhhh!" he screamed in pain.

Nigel then pushed the worker flat on his face, causing each wood chip to impale him further. The worker lied on the floor, not uttering a single word as he slowly died. The whole carpet was covered in blood, leading down the stairs.

Drying his wet dick on Wally's pillow as he then made his way down stairs, he was relieved to find Joey happy and completely unharmed.

"Oi Nigel! How about some flapjacks?" Mr. Beetles called as his wife slowly sucked him off from below the stove.

"Eh, sure," he said back. Just then, he took his eyes back to Joey, who had now crawled into the blender.

"Alright, just let me fire up the old blender and..."

"No!" screamed Nigel. But it was too late. Mr. Beetles pressed his finger down on the button and a flurry of different colors began to splash every side of the blender. It was now completely covered in flapjack ingredients, blood, bile, and many other human bodily fluids. "There we go," stated Mr. Beetles. "Set it up to the highest level, just to make sure it was completely blended!" Nigel looked down at the floor in utter disgust. He was delving into a deep state of depression. "Hope ya like drinking ya flapjacks!" Mr. Beetles said.

Mr. Beetles then took a swig of it himself, licking his lips appreciably. "Well I'll be fucked if these aren't the best damn flapjacks I've ever tasted. Try some darling." He removed his sore penis from Mrs. Beetles' face and dipped it in his cup, coating it in liquid Joey. Then he returned to screwing his wife's mouth.

"Mmmm," she said smiling as the semen-Joey-smoothie mixture slid down her throat.

"Jesus Christ!" said Nigel, "Where the fuck is Wally?"

At that moment, Wally stumbled down the stairs, looking exhausted. His eyes were red and he was still in his pajamas. "Numbuh 4," said Nigel. "We need to get going, it won't be long before Father comes for us."

"Jesus Christ Numbuh 1, I just woke up with a massive hangover, can't ya gimme a sec?" Wally asked tiredly.

"Ahhh, son," Mr. Beetles said to Wally. "Good thing ya came down, it's time for ya monthly dick cleaning!" Numbuh 4 grunted. "Now pull down ya trousers," Mr. Beetles said as he grabbed a scalpel. He then proceeded to chop Wally's dick in half, scrubbing the interior with a brillo-pad covered in anthrax.

"Dad, can't this wait?" Wally nagged his father impatiently.

"Don't worry, you're all done!" Mr. Beetles assured him. "Now, Joey's turn... where did he get to?"

Numbuh 1 turned to Numbuh 4, "Alright let's go back to the tree house, if they haven't checked there yet, we may still have a chance to set up the security system."

The two ran out the door and down the road. At last, they could see their tree house. They were almost there. But then they noticed an enormous blockade stopping their path in the distance.

"What the fuck is that shit?" asked Numbuh 4. Numbuh 1 squinted his eyes to try and make out what it was.

"It's Lizzie," Nigel stated. "How do we get her out of the way?"

"We should rape her," Wally replied.

"Great plan, Numbuh 4."

They ran towards the gigantic figure in the distance. They finally reached without breaking a single sweat.

"Hi Nigel!" Lizzie yelled.

Wally pulled out a switchblade and cut her shirt off, revealing her globs of fat and cleavage.

"Wh-wh-what's going on, Nigee?"

Neither Wally, nor Nigel uttered a word as they ripped her pants off. She yelled in panic as they shoved various colored traffic cones in her vagina and anus.

"This feels fucking fantastic", exclaimed Wally while he tore Lizzie with a stop sign.

Suddenly Lizzie snapped back to her hallucinating self, and spoke: "The Jews must be killed for good." She shot out the traffic cones as projectiles, piercing Wally's body all over. He thus fell to the ground with a soft thud.

"You fucking bitch!" Nigel shouted at her. He slashed her stomach wide open in one move. Bile and tissue flooded the street along with Hoagie's dead grandmother floating among it.

"Grandma!" screamed Numbuh 2, running toward them with his legs around his ankles and oatmeal, blood, puss, urine, and saliva dripping from his cock.

Nigel was very surprised that Hoagie was still alive, but then again, he didn't see him die in the first place. Hoagie continued running toward his dead grandmother, but Lizzie did a jumping jack, causing the concrete to crack and Hoagie fell to the fiery depths of Hell. He spent the rest of eternity being raped and beaten by Satan's minions. Nigel took this distraction as an opportunity to get back to the tree house. He quickly ran past Lizzie and finally made his way up to the block. He rang his front door to see if anyone would answer.

Time was running out. Father was hot on Nigel's tail. Nigel had many questions he need to know the answer to. Why was all this happening? Who would be Father's next victim? Why did Numbuh 3 have a penis? But before Nigel could figure out the answers to these qustions, Count Spankula opened the door at once and dragged him inside. He stuck an abnormally large dildo in the boy's mouth and stowed him in a bag. He carried him up the stairs with Nigel having no clue where he was being taken.

Suddenly, he was yanked from the bag and found himself in Numbuh 3's bedroom, with rainbow monkeys everywhere. "I vant to suck your cock!" said the Romanian pedophile.

Suddenly, the rainbow monkeys in Numbuh 3's room began coming to life. They all walked over to Count Spankula with sinister grins on their faces. "Vhat?" Count Spankula asked, puzzled. "Vhat is this madness I see before me!"

The rainbow monkeys began to jump into Count Spankula's mouth, down his throat. Count Spankula's neck was swollen from the amount of stuffed animals that had been jam packed into it, and his face began to turn blue from lack of oxygen. He kept gagging desperately for air, which reminded Nigel of his nightmare, and being blown by the theme park worker.

Suddenly, Count Spankula's throat exploded and his head went flying across the room. His burst blood vessels shot blood around the room so fast that it was still blue when it spread over the bedroom. Nigel walked over to Count Spankula's dismembered head and picked it up. The look on the Count's face was so dull and blank. It was almost as if he wished he could take back everything horrible he's done in his life. The Count met a grim fate, and Nigel knew the stupid cunt wasn't able to handle it.

Suddenly a choir of high, yet sinister voices said "Nigel." Nigel turned around and saw over 60 rainbow monkeys, completely covered in blood, ready to murder him.

Numbuh 1 sprinted through the doorway and slammed the door shut. The dolls on the other side humped the wall until their stuffed penises got splintered and fell off, leaving them all to die from infection. Nigel made it to the main elevator and pushed the button that would take him to his room. Suddenly the elevator dropped all the way down to the main floor, throwing Numbuh 1 down hard, crushing his bones upon impact. He suffered a terrible amount of brain damage and worsened the trauma to his chest, but it was pretty fucking funny considering he's ten years old.

At this point the Common Cold stood there waiting for him. He grabbed Nigel's mangled body and smashed it against the wall, forcing his remaining ribs to tear his tendons to shreds. "It's too bad I don't have a cold anymore, but don't worry," he said calmly. He reattached the hose from his gun to his herpes-ridden phallus, which immediately filled it with infected semen that he projected through Numbuh 1's eye socket and shot through his ass.

Numbuh 1's life wasn't going to last much longer. He suffered too much physical trauma and internal bleeding, plus he contracted 2 different STDs. The mushroom face STD was bearable, but the herpes was going to be extremely uncomfortable, especially when he's trying to masturbate.

'If only Lizzie was still alive so I could fuck the living shit out of her with my herpes infested dick and asshole,' Nigel thought to himself.

Nigel ripped off his pants and used a pocketknife to cut his dick off. Herpes-infected blood covered the Common Cold's face, but since he already had herpes, it wasn't a problem. Nigel directed his spray towards the Common Cold's mouth and watched as his enemy drowned in herpes positive blood. Nigel then took the Common Cold's herpes blaster, and shoved the nose of it into the vacant cavity where his dick used to be. The herpes blasts traveled up through Nigel's body, causing him to vomit the herpes liquid into the Common Cold's mouth. This started a chain of herpes vomit between Nigel and the Common Cold. The Common Cold vomited so many times into Nigel's mouth, that it caused him to cough up his stomach, and bile covered the elevator shaft.

Similarly, the Common Cold's shaft was covered as well, so Nigel stomped on it as hard as he possibly could, then left to ascend the stairs to reach the security room. It was a long painful walk, especially since his injuries and diseases had weakened him. He walked into the security room and observed the hundreds of hamsters that powered the facility. It was his only hope, he typed in the codes and activated the shields, all was going great. But suddenly the alert light on the ceiling went off, and every hamster unanimously ran from its wheel, each intent on being the first to crawl up the Brit's asshole. Running was futile. Nigel tried to run but tripped, and found himself engorged with 300 hamsters shoved up his rectum. Every one of them clawed and bit the other, tearing his anal sphincter wide open.

Any weaker man would give up with life, but Nigel had a plan. He took a giant dump on his bed and watched a giant glob of hamster-filled shit cover his sheets. He then proceeded to dig through the sheets, grabbing hamsters one by one and devouring them.

Meanwhile, there was a pregnant hamster hiding in the corner. She was terrified at the horrific site she was witnessing. Suddenly she felt a sharp pain. 'Oh no,' she thought to herself. 'No, no, no, not now, please not now.' Her water had broken and she could feel her baby making its way out of her birth canal. She wanted to protect her child but knew that nothing could stop the birth.

The baby hamster's innocent little head slowly began popping out and it began opening its eyes. The sun was shining in on through the tree house window and the newly born animal knew its life would be a happy and peaceful one. He formed a large smile as he stared up at his mother. 'She must really love me if she's going through all this pain to have me,' the little creature thought to itself. He finally popped out and embraced his mother's tender body. "I love you mommy," the child said to his creator lovingly. She had a terrified look on her face. "What's wrong mommy?"

"Nothing," she replied. "Just cover your eyes and be quiet, sweety." She said teary-eyed.

"Of course mommy, I would do anything for you, and I know you're gonna take great care of me and protect me from danger. I love being alive with you mommy." He began drinking her breast milk and closed his eyes, looking forward to what he was sure would be a long, happy life. He wondered what it would be like to father his own child, and if he would be as great a parent as his mother. It was like he has his whole long life planned out already. He held her even tighter and he blissfully fell asleep in her arms.

Suddenly, the baby hamster was tossed into the air, woken up in a confused state. He rubbed the crust from his eyes and looked up to see a giant boy clutching his mother. "MOMMY!" he yelled. "WHAT'S HAPPENING?" But it was too late, his mother's head had already been bitten off. A spray of blood covered his new born body. Her detached head then smashed like a comet in front of the infant hamster, her tortured face frozen, staring right at her newborn. "NOOO!" the child yelped hysterically. This drew attention to him, and Nigel spotted him. Nigel swiftly snatched the baby hamster off the ground. The little hamster panicked, desperately crying out for his dead mother, as his eyes filled with tears. Nigel showed the hamster his mother's decapitated corpse, which caused it to shake rapidly in anguish and anxiety. Nigel knew the baby hamster was thinking 'No, mommy, why did you have to die, I'm just a baby! Please, please don't kill me Mister! I've only been alive a few minutes! I haven't done anything wrong! Honest!' But Nigel took a small string and made a noose out of it. He proceeded to wrap the noose around the little hamster's leg, and viciously tore it off. The baby hamster was in extreme pain and now wishing it was never born into such a horrible nightmare of a world.

Nigel picked up the hamster's mother, and stuffed her into the hole where it's leg used to be, The baby hamster formed a fur coat for his mother and shook around violently, as his dick stuck in and out of her vagina. This baby hamster died slowly and painfully, as he raped his mother's deceased body. His painful departure from his incredibly short life lasted over an hour, more than half as long as his whole visit until finally he left it.

Content with his triumph, Nigel hit the big red button on the control pad, which threw all the other hamsters down to the ground level, smashing 298 hamster skulls on the sidewalk. This created a brilliant display of red fireworks that disrupted the traffic and caused many people to crash and die in an unusually hilarious fashion.

All of his friends were gone, and he was the only one left. "Why am I alive?" he asked himself aloud. He slowly but surely made his way to the main room and collapsed on the couch, miserable and terrified. But then he remembered something very important...


	5. 15 Hours Late

Suddenly Numbuh 1 sprung up from the couch. "That's it!" he exclaimed whimsically, "The safety lecture!"

They were still expecting him on the moon base to inform the other sectors about fake safety tips from adults. Perhaps they could help him. He hurried to the room where Sector V kept an emergency escape pod, and launched himself skyward.

"Finally, a moment of solitude", thought Nigel reclining in the cockpit. He took this time to think about his parents having sex in the tree house. But this was abruptly ended when he heard a deep German voice speak from over his shoulder.

"You look hungry, ja?" It was Grandma Stuffum. The fat bitch of a cook had sneaked aboard the ship. She held out a fork full of liverwurst, eager to stuff it down Nigel's throat. But he was ready. He grabbed the fork and stabbed it straight through her many chins, shooting blood in his face. He ejected the silverware and jabbed two more times in each eye, not only blinding her, but coating her retina in jagged pieces of glass. As the German MILF fell to the ground with a thud, her sidekick Liver jumped from the back of the spacecraft and prepared to avenge her.

Nigel had to think quickly. He suddenly remembered that Numbuh 4 left a bottle of vodka on the dashboard of the escape pod. Knowing that alcohol is bad for the liver, he immediately grabbed liver and shoved him in the bottle. Liver shook around rapidly, screaming to express his extreme discomfort and agony. His eyes began to melt and turn into baby dragons. As liver suffered his slow and horrible death, the baby dragons flew out of the bottle and straight towards Nigel.

But before they could burn and castrate Nigel's cock as they so desperately desired, the entire vessel slammed abruptly into the moon, throwing them toward the front of the ship. Nigel and the dragons smashed headfirst into the window with Grandma Stuffum squashing them to increase damage from the impact. The eye-born dragons fell to the ground completely shattered and bleeding.

Nigel stood up, brushing himself off. He went over to liver and saw that he was barely alive, twitching frantically in an effort to stay in the world he belonged. But Nigel couldn't let him survive, not with what he knew. Damp with toxic alcohol permeating through his tissue, Numbuh 1 grabbed one of the dragons and squeezed it so that flame would shoot from its mouth, igniting the liver immediately and burning him to a crisp. Nigel grimaced as he watched him perish, then lifted the fat woman's dress and shoved him firmly up her ass.

He then proceeded to remove the forks he inserted into Grandma Stuffum's eyes. He viciously tore through liver and Grandma Stuffum's asshole with it, as he shoved his face with ass flesh, watery shit, and liver. Nigel's face was completely covered in shit, so he rubbed it in, in order to have bragging rights when he entered the moon base. Nigel was now a black man, and damn proud of it too. He unzipped his pants and raped the gaping hole that was once Grandma Stuffum's ass. When he finished, he grabbed the baby dragons, and bit their heads off. Knowing their heads would still be alive for a few minutes, he shoved them up Grandma Stuffum's ass gap, so they could be forcefully fed semen, blood, liver, and diarrhea. Nigel then shoved his dick into the neck hole of one of the baby dragons so nobody would see he had a boner.

He opened the pod door and walked out to make his way to moon's tree house - placed conveniently close to where he crash-landed. Stumbling toward the large structure with a young dragon carcass protruding from his unzipped pants, he suddenly realized that he was without any oxygen, and started to choke spastically. He remembered Knightbrace with the testicles in his nostrils and laughed, or at least tried to as best as one could without the ability to breathe.

"Numbuh 1 ye fucking wanker!" said Numbuh 86 coming to greet him, "Ye were supposed to give that speech 15 hours ago!" she PMS'd at him loudly. Nigel ripped off her helmet and put it on himself.

"Ahh" he said relieved as he selfishly inhaled a great deal of sweet, sweet air. The Scott in front of him tried to scream at her subordinate but couldn't make any comprehensible noise as her face began to turn purple. "Oh wait, I forgot my I.D. back on earth," said Nigel to himself. Then he grabbed her by the hair and kneed her hard in the face until she passed out. "Put a cock in it!" he told her while he raped her rambling mouth, scratching her throat with the hard exterior of the wee dragon. He left her there to continue suffocating then took her I.D. card and passed by undetected into the base.

Nigel swiftly ran through the moon base and punched your mother in the face. He then proceeded to the command room, in order to find Numbuh 362. Suddenly, the entire moon base began to shake, causing the dragon carcass to slip off Nigel's dick, revealing his boner. One of the security guards, Numbuh 80085 witnessed this and quickly pulled out his dick, thinking that the code white alarm had rung.

"Nein!" Hitler screamed as he jumped out of the shadows. Nigel hadn't recognized this Nazi regime leader, but had a feeling he was a threat. Then Numbuh 1 realized that it wasn't Hitler, it was in fact, Bradley the skunk.

"What are you doing here?" Nigel him asked alarmed. Numbuh 6 hurriedly rambled on about an elaborate story about how Mr. Boss has beheaded the skunk's entire family and only he managed to get away. But because Nigel could not understand his squeaky animal language, and because he honestly didn't really give a shit, he dismissed it as gibberish and picked the creature up. The two made their way through the room toward Numbuh 362.

"Who the fuck is this nigger?" wondered the KND leader, not recognizing Nigel through the layers of excretion on his face.

"Oh" Nigel said wiping off the shit on Wally's pillow. "Number 1!" exclaimed Numbuh 362.

"Where have you been? We've been worried sick!" she asked.

"Don't worry about it," Nigel replied, "The point is that I'm here now".

"Well that's good because" - suddenly she ripped off her mask revealing herself to be Mr. Boss. "Haha bitch!" he yelled at Nigel.

Nigel was dumbfounded. And yet he realized that it made sense. He always wondered how a female could be in charge of something so serious.

"Why you?" he asked him curiously.

"Well if you must know testicle head, it's because I like to spend my free time cross-dressing around children because it makes me hard as a fucking statue."

Nigel nodded, agreeing with his reasoning, but then looked back up remembering who he was dealing with.

"Don't worry, I'm not here for you this time, I just want to torture that fucking animal of yours" said the masquerader.

"Ha! The joke's on you," Nigel retorted, "Lizzie's already dead!" But the fat fuck grabbed Bradley from his hands. Horrible nightmarish thoughts shot through the critter's head. What was going to happen to him now? This kind of thing couldn't happen for real. He was just going to wake up in a moment and realize it was all a bad dream. His mother would comfort him and assure him that life would do him no harm. But he wasn't waking up. He shouted for his friend Nigel to protect him, but the onlooker did nothing but watched, intrigued to see what Mr. Boss had in mind.

"Open wide", Mr. Boss whispered devilishly as he gave him a tight squeeze forcing his mouth open and popping his eyes outward like pea-sized balloons. The torturer used the other hand to remove his cigar from his mustache and put it right in front of the shaking animal's face. The intense heat engulfed his face as if it were a fireplace, and the naïve little pet shook madly as if it would help him escape. But any action was futile, in a flash his head filled with white hot pain when Mr. Boss thrust it down his little throat, twisting it around his tiny esophagus and stretching it out. His eyes rolled into his head as he screamed loudly through a mouthful of ash and ember. The free-spirited little creature now only wanted to die, to get out of this scene of true misery. But still he lived, and still the villain laughed. Mr. Boss removed the cigar from the skunk's mouth.

Did he decide to stop? Was he going to spare him? Hope spread through Bradley as fast as had the burning pain. He was going to live and see his family again. Just then the man raised him above his head and slammed him down onto the hard ground like a football. His skull cracked and punctured his brain instantly, halting his final thought of wondering what had happened.

The mustachioed hunchback turned to Numbuh 1. "So Nigel fucking Uno, are you a fucking cunt?"

Nigel shook his head. "Not on my watch!" he declared. He jumped in the air and his head went through the moon base ceiling, causing him to explode into a liquid substance. He dripped down to the floor and survived.

"Haha, nice move, you little shit!" Mr. Boss yelled. "Bring me your son's gay fucking dick Mr. Beetles!"

Mr. Beetles walked into the room, shocking Nigel as he entered. Not because of his unexpected entrance, but because of the fact that he walked in completely naked with a massive erection. Nigel thought he could make out smeared lipstick around the rim of his penis. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Oh hey there Nigel!" he exclaimed. "If I knew you were gonna be here, I woulda shat my pants!"

Mr. Boss bent his coworker over and plucked Wally's half penis from his father's asshole. "Yes! Finally its mine!" he said excitedly.

Nigel didn't understand what the fuck was wrong with him. But then he saw it. It all made sense. This was it. The answer to everything…


	6. One

Now Nigel had the answer. He knew what he had to do. He swiftly ran to Mr. Boss and bent him over as far as he could. He ripped off his pants and proceeded to thrust his dick in and out effortlessly like a hot knife through asshole. Mr. Boss's gruff voice suddenly became high and squeaky as he shrieked with joy.

"That tickles!" came Numbuh 3's voice from the submissive partner. He did his best to escape but Nigel was unyielding. He reached around and choked Mr. Boss's neck until he passed out.

Bursting through the door came Mr. Wink and Mr. Fibb sitting side by side in a lawn chair. The two fucking freaks looked uglier than ever. "Not so fast Numbuh 1," said Mr. Fibb calmly.

Numbuh 1 stared them down. What did they have in mind?

"Looks like we'll need to teach him a lesson, Mr. Fibb," said Mr. Wink.

"It seems so, Mr. Wink," said the other. The two stood up, revealing a buffalo and walrus penis respectively. They eerily walked toward Numbuh 1 who looked terrified.

"Being gay is one thing," shouted Nigel, "but I don't want to fuck animals!" With this, he finished in the duo's eyes, practically blinding them.

"Hmm, that's not going to stop us Numbuh 1," said Mr. Wink plainly.

"Not at all," added Mr. Fibb grinning. Though they couldn't see, the two creeps still needed to rape Nigel at all costs. They stumbled into each other, each of them thinking that he had grasped the KND operative. After a series of confused motions, both found themselves in a 69 position, fucking each other's mouths vigorously. Nigel became even more aroused as he witnessed them transform into an even more fucked up hybrid than the originals. They now became a single creature known as Ms. Fink.

Ms. Fink walked toward Nigel. "What is the importance of stories in our lives?" it asked him strictly. Nigel grabbed the creature quickly by the throat and stuck its dyke head up the unconscious Mr. Boss's ass.

"Looks like you gave his panties a real good bunch up," said Mr. Beatles. "Now lemme stick my donger in the control panel and get us out of here." Mr. Beatles began to stick his dick into the moon base control panel and fuck it rigorously. Shit came out of his dick and the moon base didn't accept his DNA, so it exploded his dick and he enthusiastically jammed his foot into the newly made hole. "Haha I don't have a clue why I didn't do this before." He hopped back to earth on one foot, with the other jammed in his pelvic hole, snatching up his son's severed penis and plucking it in his mouth as he left.

Nigel was now faced with a dilemma. How was he going to transmit his DNA into the control panel if it was covered in icky Australian shit? But Nigel realized that he had nothing going for him now. In the last 24 hours, his ribs had been severely shattered and dislocated, his penile muscles torn as well as his anal sphincter which was now 8 feet of tubing, all his teeth were either detached or cracked, he collected multiple strands of syphilis and herpes, most of his skeleton had been rearranged and destroyed, and his brain had suffered an inexplicable amount of damage that has caused him to become gay. He had hit rock fucking bottom. The old Nigel would have thought twice before licking a shit-covered control panel, but no more. Nigel swabbed the port clean, enjoying the savory aroma that complimented the delectable 'down-under' taste. But with that taken care of, he still needed to supply his DNA. He had no hair on his head, and his pubes had already been shaved and force-fed to Lizzie this month, he couldn't afford to lose anymore blood, and the remainder of his penis was in no condition to extract sperm.

Suddenly two operatives entered the room with Numbuh 86's dead body between them. "Hey Numbuh 1," they called to Nigel. "We found Numbuh 86 outside dead. She was-uh naked too and looked like she was um raped before we could get to her..." At this, they both casually zipped up their pants as if he wouldn't notice.

"Bring her here," said Nigel. And they dragged her naked body to him. He chopped her into a dozen pieces, then looked up at the moon base guards. "Have you got any 2X4 technology on you?" Nigel questioned them.

"Of course," said the uglier one, and he handed him his F.R.A.P.P.E. gun.

"Perfect," said Numbuh 1, and he snapped off the blender from the weapon. "Hope you like drinking your flapjacks," he said deliriously and threw the bloody remnants of Numbuh 86 into it. After liquefying her tissue and organs, Nigel poured the mixture into the control panel.

"DNA accepted." said the bitchy KND voice that seems to narrate everything piece of equipment they ever use. In his excitement, Nigel slammed down on the button that read "Escape Pod", but accidently missed and hit the one that said "Nuke KND Sector Chinks".

Meanwhile in Sector Chinks...

"Mehh." said Numbuh Jacob.

"Awks." replied Numbuh Shane.

"Ching chong wong, why you whine like bitches, ling long ching?" asked Numbuh Matthew.

Suddenly they realized a nuke was headed toward them. But being used to this sort of treatment, they ducked under a turtle shell marked "4 emerge in seas" and waited patiently for the bomb to drop. After Asia had been destroyed, they surfaced from the turtle shell and raped each other repeatedly, thinking that gay sex would help to repopulate their country. Unfortunately, Father had already blown the whole sector and they had no semen left. Instead they resorted to shoving cat dicks up their assholes, which resulted in a new race of cat humans, like in the movie Avatar. Since this has no relevance to the story, I may as well continue explaining it. After they filled the cat's sperm into their assholes, they chopped up the tails into tiny squares and made a stew out of it. Once they were finished eating their dinner, they started playing calculator games and solving math equations in their cunts.

Suddenly, the story became relevant again, and Numbuh 1 began doing something. Nigel realized his mistake but really didn't give a shit about some rice-loving fucks that think they can pass themselves off as people. He pushed the correct button and stepped inside the pod. Upon entering he took notice of the pile of skeletons that littered the floor and the lack of oxygen. He pondered the thought of new recruits trying to escape back to Earth and reunite with their loving families but instead dying without them. Nigel grinned at the thought and couldn't help but chuckle. Then he closed the door behind him and set the coordinates to take him back home. As he entered Earth's atmosphere moments later, Nigel braced for impact; he knew the routine at this point. If the past was any indication, the author of the story was going to devise some sort of sick way to injure him even further. Therefore he was fairly surprised when he found that the ship had landed softly to the ground without a sound. Perplexed, Nigel opened the door of the vessel and stepped out. No sooner did a piano fall from the sky and crush him.

Nigel awoke unpleasantly from consciousness a few hours later to find himself in the Delightful Children's mansion with Father urinating on his face. "This'll teach you to listen to adults!" Father said to him fiercely.

"What the fuck?" snapped Nigel in response wiping off the liquid from his face with Wally's pillow.

"Holy fuck it's you!" cried Father. "I thought you were the paperboy!"

But neither of them had time for chitchat. They both wanted to kill the other once and for all.

"Children, come to your father…", called Father sensually with his arms outstretched. Not a minute later, The Delightful Children from Down the Lane walked up the lane to meet the two.

"What requests can we fulfill such that we might complement your greatness, O Great Reverend Saviour?" they all asked him eagerly.

"Give me the fucking age-cigar," He replied brusquely. Lenny took the weapon from his pocket, got down on one foot and handed it graciously to his beloved parent. Father stood there for a minute silently staring calmly at the cigar. Then all of a sudden he turned against his children and zapped them with the cigar. Now there were five innocent, confused babies sitting curiously on the ground.

Father grinned mischievously and turned to Numbuh 1. "This should be funny," Nigel grinned shyly back at the handsome villain and tilted his head, lost in his beauty.

"Well my delightful children," he said as he smiled wickedly. "I guess you want to know the truth of where you came from once and for all." Father began jacking off to build up cum as he was speaking. "You see, back in the day, I used to do some crazy shit. I know you children think I adopted you after I decommissioned you from Sector Z, but the real story is far more sinister. It all started when..."

Suddenly everything turned into a flashback since it's a cartoon and that sorta shit happens in cartoons. Father was sitting at a cubicle in the World Trade Center, banging a whore named Roxy, who he met on a trip to the bathroom. "Well Roxy," he said, "looks like MY DICK IS INSIDE OF YOU!". And indeed it was. Roxy was a 7 year-old girl and she was crying from her eye balls and bleeding profusely from her vagina.

"Please, Mr. Father sir, stop raping me, I'll do anything, I swear." Father stared at her angrily.

"SHUT UP AND BLEED WHILE I RAPE YOUR INSIDES!" he screamed.

Suddenly, the office building started to shake, and the room filled with smoke. "Oh fuck!" Father yelped as he urinated inside Roxy. "God damn Pakis always come and ruin the fun!" But this did not stop father, as he proceeded raping the prepubescent child. Roxy's vagina began to swell up as employees engulfed in flames began running around the office screaming.

"Please help!," screamed one worker, "I have a wife and kids! And not to mention it's bring your family to work day, so they're all here with me! They're gonna die a slow and painful death! By the way, the date is September eleventh, 2001! Also, I just shit my pants, and it's dripping down my leg into my 2 year-old daughter's mouth!"

Father was not fazed by this and kept raping Roxy. He noticed that her vagina began to swell and her stomach got bigger as she cried out in pain. He quickly pulled her off his dick. "Fuck! Are you pregnant? " Father asked.

"Yes, please don't hurt me Father, I just want to live a normal childhood!" Roxy replied.

Father quickly dumped 5 Siamese quintuplets out of her vagina. He then ran over to the window and threw her out through the glass. The glass shards pierced her supple skin, which ripped off as she sped towards the ground. She then landed on a firefighter, and morphed into a giant meatball of blood and digestive fluid. The mashed up ball of guts was no longer recognizable as human matter

"And that's how you little fuckers were born," said Father back in present time. The Delightful Infants all stared up at the dark figure, likely frightened by this recent news. "Now that I've told you this I guess it's time I slaughter you, as I can't have any witnesses". He took out a Benelli M4 super 90 shotgun with 1 oz slugs and positioned the barrel snugly against Lenny's helmet. "Safety first kids," said Father cynically, then slowly squeezed the trigger. Lenny's cranium exploded into a firework display of blood and gray matter that coated the four other children. Several shards of his football helmet pierced the fat chick's abdomen and she fell over in pain, beginning to drown in her own blood and bile that leaked out from her liver. Father walked over to her and poured vodka thoroughly across her liver and then lit a match which he dropped right onto it. The young child screamed in inexplicable pain and her eyes rolled into her head, then finally she died.

Father then turned to the three that remained. He grimaced crazily staring at his darling little angels. "I have something special for you three". The trio quivered in fear and tried to crawl away but weren't fast enough to escape. Father then revealed a life-sized ant farm from his dark silhouette. He smashed it on the ground like a football and watched as millions upon millions of deadly ants scattered toward the Delightful Children, crawling across their skin and devouring more of their flesh with each passing second. Their screams of agony could not penetrate through the layers of ants that surrounded their faces. The more they tried to yell out for any help they could get, more ants slipped inside and penetrated their organs and flesh. Each child was slowly and hilariously being ripped to shreds like paper in a shredder.

Among all the chaos, the queen ant herself had hoisted herself in the middle of it, and all the other ants seized the opportunity to rape her violently while simultaneously devouring the children as well. The sight of such sexual greatness profoundly affected Father, who now became even more turned on. He went toward Bruce and paved a space from the ant surface until he finally found his infantile anus which he didn't hesitate to fuck as hard as he could possibly could, bruising his pelvis severely with each thrust against the boy's buttocks. In turn, the ants now grew hungrier as the child flesh was only a mere appetizer, and they each abandoned their activities to be the first to chomp down on his big dark cock. Some munched on his testes and foreskin, while the more daring insects crawled within his urethra as if a large organic anthill. Father shrieked like Roxy, the gallons of tears erupting from his eyes were nothing in comparison that the blood and shot like a jet from his penis. No longer could he stand it, and so he took out his signature pocket knife and swiftly chopped off his genitals. He burned the ants quickly, shooting flames from his arms. Once killed, he panted heavily and turned to Nigel whose face was frozen in amazement.

"Wha-What is wrong with you?" Nigel asked, trembling like Michael J. Fox on an awkward date. "I mean, I wasn't fond of your Delightful Children either but, this... this is just wrong. How could you mercilessly tear apart the very foundation of morality, killing your children so brutally? You're no villain. You're a hob-knocking sociopath!"

Father snickered menacingly. "No, Nigel, Hitler was a sociopath. I AM A GOD!" The entire mansion shook violently as Father burst into an aura of flames. He grew to the size of Cthulu and his head burst dramatically through the ceiling of his lair as wooden planks exploded into miniscule splinters, each one impaling his skin and shredding several blood vessels. The pain of it only empowered him even more, and he spread fiery splashes of blood onto passersby, including a Jewish philanthropist who was bludgeoning a pile of crying Haitian babies he found in a dumpster. The man was surprised by the flaming drops of blood that began to melt his scalp.

"Hey, stop that you fucking-" He paused as he saw the behemoth standing before him.

"I'm sorry," father replied, "IT SOUNDED LIKE YOU WERE GOING TO SPEAK BACK TO ME IN AN IMPOLITE MANNER!," his voice echoed darkly. He swiftly grabbed the Jewish man and chomped his body viciously, with his flaming gums rapidly dehydrating his internal organs, causing them to implode upon themselves and fail. Father pulled the Jew out of his mouth and peeled his blackened skin like a fried tomato to reveal liquefied bodily organs that immediately splashed onto the Haitian babies, burning them slowly like viscous lava. The liquefied body of the Jewish man slowly cooled and molded the pile of Haitian babies into a sinister portrait of disappointment and hardship. Since the infants had their mouths agape, wailing in pain, the molten body fluid lava entered their lungs, hardening and suffocating them. "NOW THOSE FAGGOT CHILDREN KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE HAN SOLO!" Father exclaimed in a satanic tone. He slowly turned back to Numbuh 1, with horns beginning to grow through his fiery skull.

His haunted, monstrous face, the size of a billboard laughed evilly in front of Nigel. He shivered uncontrollably as he felt the hot fumes beat against his tiny face. He was going to die. This would be it. He closed his eyes and cleared his mind of anything that would complicate the last moment of his dreaded life.

Suddenly he opened his eyes to find himself staring at the ceiling of his room. For the first few seconds, he did nothing. Then silently but vigorously he sprung himself up and looked around terrified. But it was all okay, it was just his mere bedroom. Nigel couldn't believe it, he was overcome with joy and relief. It had all been just a terrible, terrible nightmare. He ran to the mirror and looked at himself. He was completely unharmed, not a single scratch on him, he had never felt so great in his entire life. Nigel found himself foolishly grinning though he was indeed alone. He stupidly shook away his expression, feeling rather embarrassed. He jumped up and down on his bed dancing blissfully, shouting his excitement. Then he heard the doorbell ring.

"Coming! Coming!" he called as he raced down the stairs, still unable to get over his luck. When he finally got to the door and whipped it open he found himself face-to-face with his beloved girlfriend Lizzie.

"Hi Nigel. My daddy's out of town and I –" Nigel threw his arms around her and gave her a loving squeeze.

"Lizzie, you have no idea how happy I am to have you! I love you so much!" A bit bewildered by his erratic response, Lizzie smiled and returned the affection. Nigel stared at her for what seemed like an hour before finally he said, "Yes. Yes I would love to help you with your…"

"Seashell collection," she answered for him.

"Yes, your seashell collection, literally nothing would please me more!".

For the first time, Nigel felt genuinely happy. It turned out after all that such a horrific experience was actually what would help him learn to value his life. Nigel grabbed Lizzie's hand and they walked lovingly down the street to her house. The two spent the morning reorganizing the seashell collection, joking and laughing the all the while. Nigel couldn't keep himself from staring at Lizzie for hours on end, hoping that they would be together forever.

At last he couldn't help it. He took Lizzie's hands and stared into her eyes. "Lizzie, I know we haven't known each other for that long and we're just kids and all, but I want to be with you for the rest of my life". He got down on one knee, " and I want to marry you as soon as we're old enough to do so."

"Oh Nigie, so do I!" she cried happily.

The two embraced and kissed each other madly, knowing that everything would be perfect.

"I just wish I had a ring for you," he said regretfully.

"Oh Nigie, you don't need to get me a –"

"Hogwash!" he interrupted. "I'll sell everything I have, the entire tree house if I have to if it means giving us a proper marriage". Lizzie smiled at him blushing. But before she could speak, the two heard her father pull into the driveway.

"Oh no, my daddy's home!" she said

"Don't worry," said Nigel, "I'll leave through the back." He gave her a parting kiss and scampered out of the house quickly.

Nigel skipped merrily down the lane whistling when he spotted Hoagie and Wally, his two best mates.

"Ey' Numbuh 1," called Wally. "Fancy a game of stickball?"

"Absolutely!" Nigel replied. He sprinted toward them and locked them in a fantastic hug, proceeding to smooch them fervently.

"Aww," said Hoagie. "I thought we agreed not to act like this in public!," he said to Nigel blushing.

"I really care about you guys, and I don't tell you that enough!". Nigel was so proud to have such a wonderful set of friends and a glorious, free-spirited life. All this time he'd spent it combating adults and rebelling against others. But now he realized that his parents just wanted what was best for him, and that there was no reason to fight after all. Life was about peace, harmony, and love. Nigel took in a deep breath of the glorious springtime aroma around him, feeling pretty for the first time in his life. He laughed at the irony of it all. Just hours before he had thought that everything was over, but it had all been happening inside his head.

Just then Numbuh's 2 and 5 approached him, the former spinning a basketball on her forefinger. "Guys! It's so great to see you!". He hugged them as well, feeling happier each second. The two looked at each other bewildered.

"What's gotten into you?" pondered Abigail. "You act like you thought you'd never see us again".

Nigel giggled, "You don't know the half of it!" As Numbuh 1 continued to express his love for his buddies, Nigel's father drove by and stopped his car in front of them.

"Good day, you lot. I was just on my way to the creamery. Would anyone fancy an iced-cream?"

Nigel looked at his friends smiling. Then they all looked back at him and nodded, "Daddy, make mine a chocolate, would you?"

"Whatever," said his father bluntly, bothered by his son's flamboyant demeanor.

"Hey is there room for two more?" Mr. Beetle called as he walked toward the children. He appeared fully clothed, with little Joey attached to his torso in a baby carrier. "In fact, it's my treat!"

Later that day the group sat together enjoying their evening picnic as they watched the sun dip slowly into the horizon. Nigel couldn't keep from smiling as he scanned around admiring all the people he loved. He spotted Joey licking his ice cream cone, crawling around on the grass. He was approaching a bee's nest a few feet away. Nigel gasped, worried for the boy's safety when all of a sudden Mr. Beetle ran over and plucked him. "Careful little guy, we don't want you getting hurt!"

"Phew," said Nigel relieved.

"Oy, the sun's setting!", called Mr. Uno to the rest of them. "What do you say we count it down?"

They all unanimously began counting down from ten. "Ten, nine, eight," they all cheered merrily. Nigel couldn't believe what a great day he had had. Everything was exactly what he wanted, he couldn't have asked for more.

"Seven, six, five,". He wondered about where their lives would go now, now that he was to quit the Kids Next Door and focus on his school work and eventually start a family with Lizzie.

"Four". Nigel began feeling a bit queasy and his sight began to lose focus. Too much ice cream he thought, that's all. He did his best to ignore it and stay in the moment.

"Three". Everything was getting fuzzy, he began feeling quite faint. All his friends were looking at him now. But not with faces of worry or concern, faces of exaggerated glee, almost intrusively teasing him with their spirit.

"Two". He was losing consciousness, everything was fading away from him. What was going on? The faces that beamed at him were now frightening him. Every twisted expression literally swirled derisively in an illogical way, looking like they were turned to gelatin. Suddenly the entire world around him fused together and dripped down like wet paint. A giant splash of blood covered his entire face and all he could see was red while he heard an intense deafening ring in his ears. Confusion, fear, pain, and anxiety swarmed through his body before every voice deeply and powerfully uttered a final word:

"One".


	7. The Awakening

Everything went black and the noise ceased. Nigel was thrust back into reality as he found himself in a dark room with wires connected to him all over his body, attached by suction cups. He felt something wrapped around his head which he yanked off quickly. It was the same happy headband Chester had used on him before that fateful day.

He observed a fuzzy black and white screen buzzing quietly in front of him. 'What's going on,' he thought to himself. He felt his stomach growl from hunger pangs and put his hand to it, while making a discomforted sigh. When he touched his stomach, he noticed something strange. His ribs were intact, and there was no blood on his sweatshirt. He felt around his body, searching for signs of any bruises or abrasions, but his body was in optimal condition, besides the hunger. "What's going on here?..." he whispered to himself suspiciously.

He got up from the chair he was sitting in, and took off his sunglasses so as to better make out his surroundings. He slowly found his way to the door through the dark. Opening the door slowly, he found himself in a clean house. The eerie silence worried him. He walked over towards the living room and saw Numbuh 5, Numbuh 4, Numbuh 2, Bradley, and Mr. Boss standing around a trash can with their trousers unzipped. He noticed that Mr. Boss and Bradley had their heads switched with one another. This didn't faze him whatsoever. In fact, when he noticed they were jacking off into the trash can, it didn't affect him either. He stood there with a blank, emotionless look on his face as he slowly walked over. The group looked back and saw him walking forward. They moved aside to make room for him, seeing that he was headed straight for the trash bin.

He tilted his head down and saw Numbuh 3's horribly mangled and disfigured body lying inside of it. Her eye sockets were empty, her breasts were cut off from her body, and a dissection line was drawn vertically down her stomach, as if the people who did this to her got lazy and stopped halfway through. Her forehead was covered in the group's semen. Nigel slowly lifted her out by her underarms and licked the semen off, giving her with a small kiss on her forehead. Nigel turned back to the group and they slowly grinned mockingly. They all simultaneously burst into laughter at the ridiculous demonstration from Nigel, pointing their dirty fingers at him. Nigel's empty facial expression slowly turned into a menacing stare, as his enraged thoughts grew. He wanted to destroy all of them. Mr. Boss' obnoxious laugh came from his head on Bradley's body, which didn't seem strange to Nigel at that point for some reason. He was about to burst into a fit of murderous anger, but then everything went black. Nigel felt the headband on his head again, not knowing nor caring what exactly was going on. He removed it hurriedly and awoke once again in the same creepy room.

He walked straight out the door as he had just a moment prior. But this time, something was different. It was nighttime, and he was in the kitchen of his own house. All the lights were off and Nigel walked forward with the menacing look still bulging from his face.

Suddenly a wave of human voices rushed into existence, hitting his ear drums harder and quicker than a sonic boom. "SURPRISE!" he heard from many familiar, yet unfamiliar voices. The lights turned back on and he saw a large group of people smiling at him lovingly.

"Hey Numbuh wan!" Numbuh 3 exclaimed happily to Nigel, her happy demeanor beaming brightly from her joyful face.

Numbuh 1 still stood there completely silent, with an angry facial expression, his fierce eyebrows pointed downwards.

"We thought we'd create a few simulations for you to show you how great life is compared all that bad stuff," Numbuh 2 stated. "Bradley added an extra one behind our backs, but we figured it wouldn't be that bad." Bradley winked at Numbuh 1.

Nigel walked out the backdoor, not uttering a single syllable to anyone.

"Awwh, what's wong with Numbuh wan?" Numbuh 3 asked sympathetically.

"Maybe the simulations were a little too harsh," replied Numbuh 2. "Let's give him a few minutes to cool off." They waited several minutes before they heard the back door open. Numbuh 2 and Bradley walked over to meet him as he entered. "Hey, look Numbuh 1, we're sorry that—" But whatever Numbuh 2 was going to say was cut off when he saw that Numbuh 1 had multiple power tools equipped to him, holding a chainsaw. "He-he-hey," Numbuh 2 stuttered. "What-what are you duh-duh-duh-doing?".

Numbuh 1 stared blankly at him and grabbed Bradley.

"WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" yelled Numbuh 2, alerting people in the other room.

Numbuh 1 rammed the hammer fiercely into Bradley's skull so hard that it exploded like a grenade, launching razor sharp skull fragments straight towards Numbuh 2. One of the fragments became lodged in Hoagie's neck, bursting a blood vessel. He fell to the floor and died instantly. Numbuh 1 aggressively squeezed Bradley's tender body like a stress ball. A volcano of warm blood spilled out from his gaping neck. Numbuh 1 drank it up, savoring every gulp, and proceeded to devour his small and large intestines like sausage links.

The rest of the operatives quickly swarmed into the room, along with Nigel's parents. Numbuh 3 began to cry profusely, while Numbuh 4 and 5 stared at the scene with their mouths agape. "I say dear boy, look at this mess you've made," Mr. Uno said, quite aggravated. He put his arm around his wife and walked over to Numbuh 1. "Your mother and I are very dis—"

Before Nigel's father could finish, he drove a battery-powered drill firmly into his father's stomach. Nigel left it on as his father fell the ground with the tool still spinning. Mr. Uno's open stomach left an acidic puddle under his wife's feet, burning her dreadfully, as she screamed in symphonic agony. Nigel promptly fired up his chainsaw and decapitated the woman who gave birth to him. Knowing she would remain alive for several seconds, he firmly punted her head toward the window. The pressure received from the kick caused a wave of blood to spurt out from the stomp of her face. It almost seemed like a rocket launching into space. Only the rocket was Mrs. Uno's face, and the destination was death. Her face smashed the window with great speed and power. The glass shattered, cutting the skin of her face clean off. Nigel then kicked the fucking shit out of his mother's dilapidated vagina, stretching the gaping black hole even further. This all happened in the blink of an eye, but for her last few seconds of life, she was experiencing an indescribable amount of pain, all at the hands of her sweet little boy.

The remainder of Sector V didn't speak a word, except for Numbuh 3 who was sobbing her soul out. Numbuh 4 put his arms around her to comfort her as best he could. Nigel did a swift running jump and scissor kicked Numbuh 5 in the face. She fell to the ground in shock and began to have a violent seizure. Foam dripped from her mouth, and her eyes turned snow white. Numbuh 1 unscrewed a fluorescent light bulb from the ceiling and shoved it snugly into Numbuh 5's fat whore mouth. He stomped on the light bulb, causing the phosphor contained in it to enter Abby's lungs, and the glass shards to tear her mouth and throat. Nigel left her to die miserably.

At this point, poor Kuki was overcome with inexorable grief and terror, shaking violently in the arms of Wally. Nigel strode over to the couple and tore Numbuh 3 from her comforter's arms. She did her best to remain latched to her faithful companion but couldn't overpower Nigel. She shrieked as if the louder she yelled for help, the safer she'd be. But no such luck. He knocked her to the ground hard, then clenched a fistful of her hair. The KND leader thus dragged her swiftly from the house with minimal effort, looking straight in front of him focused intently on his objective. Kuki's inhumane shrieking accentuated while tears rushed across her distraught face.

But Numbuh 4 would not let his leader put another scratch on her. He chased after Nigel and tried to liberate her from his grip. Nigel simply turned around and let go over Numbuh 3. For a moment, her screaming subsided. Nigel stared at Wally stoically, still displaying not a hint of emotion. He whimsically pounded Numbuh 4 hard in the abdomen like a bolt of lightning, making him fall over in pain. In Numbuh 4's weakness, Nigel then smashed him straight to the nose, shooting fountains of blood from his nostrils. Kuki screamed in fear for her loving hero. Fueled by her uproar, Nigel lifted the boy to his feet by his shoulders and lobbed him arduously into the side of the house. His head had become lodged in the foundation of his house and he had lost consciousness instantly.

With Numbuh 4 taken care of for the moment, Nigel merely tilted his head toward the girl. He casually removed a steel mallet from his belt and raised it over his head. An instant later he drew it down with rapid speed, with Numbuh 3's knee on the other end of it. She hissed in such overbearing pain, that the frequency of her voice was enough to rupture her own ear drums, inviting streams of blood to creep out from her ears. Again, he smashed her knee even harder than the first time, causing her to evoke a similar noise, like that of a dying animal. Her eyes rolled into her head and she vomited violently, jerking her head back in recoil. This did not satisfy Nigel, and so he pinned her down and repeated the procedure on her elbows, ankles, and wrists. With each stroke of the mallet, she lost more and more of her consciousness. To conclude his impulses, he used wire cutters to snip the sides of her mouth. And still she lived, but only just.

Disfigured, twisted, and mutilated, she was left on Nigel's front yard, and he walked back into his house. She gaped at the sky thoughtlessly, nauseously struggling for survival. Numbuh 1 returned a moment later carrying a chair from his dining room and marched sternly toward her. He lifted up the immobile blob that was formerly an innocent little girl and plopped her on the chair, tying up her defective limbs. He removed a roll of duct tape from his pocket and taped her eye lids open, disabling her immense fatigue from providing her escape from the horrid site. Right after, he took out a screw driver and stuck it in into a deep wound left from the mallet twisting it vigorously. She hissed torturously, white hot pain now embodying her wholly, becoming a component of the very fiber of her being.

Again, Nigel left her there, generously sparing her a moment to rest. But then he returned, carrying Numbuh 4 over his shoulder, still passed out amidst the surreal chaos. He laid him out in front of his girlfriend. The next ten minutes consisted of Numbuh 1 gathering several household materials, steel cable, fishing rods, lye, and gasoline, just to name a few. He hooked the fishing hooks into crevices across his friend's body. His eyelids, his ear lobes. His mouth, his finger and toenails. He positioned each one carefully, being sure not to cause him any pain that would wake him up from such serene slumber. Then he secured the cable around his left wrist, another around his right.

"Nawoughhh," Numbuh 3 groaned miserably from the flaps of her bleeding maw. "Pwea do' hur' im," each word brought surges of pain through her body, "tague me in-tead, bu' dow hur' Wawwy. Pwead!" Tears erupted from her open eyes once again dripping down across her reddened body. Red from tears, red from blood.

Nigel ignored her. He poured the gasoline thoroughly on the sleeping boy's face, emptying the entire container. He then removed a shoe and stomped it down on the ground. It emitted flames from underneath. He took the extemporized flamethrower and placed it above Wally's peaceful face. Immediately, his visage erupted, flames dancing across his awakened expression. He jolted awake in pain caused by the flames, as well as the hooks that became impaled in his face, each one penetrating his skin by his involuntary motion. Never had he been woken in such a horrific manner. He fought with all the vigor of his body to rid the pain, and yet it only ailed him further. Nigel ripped off Numbuh 4's pants, stripping him nude. He spread the lie over his genitals to complement the painful sensation.

As Numbuh 3 screamed for her life to end, her eyes kept her glued to the scene. Nigel walked away from Numbuh 4 twitching frantically across the grass. He carried the fishing rods and cables which he secured to the rear bumper of his father's car.

At this point Numbuh 4 had at last extinguished the fire that engulfed his face. Hooks still hung from him, pierced to his various body apertures. His face appeared to have been boiled to a fleshy batter and poured back onto the front of his head. He stared at Numbuh 3. She stared at him. Through all of this terror, there was one thing that Nigel could not destroy: their eternal love. Numbuh 3 continued to sob violently, but Numbuh 4 hobbled toward her. He looked up at her from the ground. "Ka…Kuki," he managed at last to utter to her.

"Wawwy?"

"We're gonna be okay, as long as…as long as we're together"

"Ah know…ah know we aw'"

"I look…I look hideous," said Wally to Kuki

At first she continued to whimper, but then "No, yah wi' aways wook gawjiss to me zweety"

The two, even in their mangled conditions, remained deeply, deeply in love with one another. It would seem that the connection between them could not have been broken, that it was meant to last, no matter what life threw at them.

Suddenly the two heard the sudden sound of a car starting up. Numbuh 4 looked down to see the pile of strands that had tangled about him were rapidly shortening. He looked up fearfully at his lover. But at the blink of an eye – from which Numbuh 3 was unable to blink – Numbuh 4's arms were suddenly ripped from his chest. His fingernails, eyelids, ears, and lips were all torn off like bandages. The result was a little blonde Australian boy with cuts crisscrossing his flesh and geysers of blood shooting horizontally from either side of his torso. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!", shrieked Numbuh 4. His eyes froze in their place, and he fell forward onto his sorely burned tender face, at the limp feet of Kuki.

"NO-OOOOH! WHY! WHY! WHYYYYYY!" despite all that she'd seen, her fear and distress would not falter.

Nigel drove back to the site and emerged from the vehicle. He untied Kuki from the chair and dragged her by the arm, popping the mashed end of the joint from its socket, letting it trail weakly from her body like a sock, barely attached.

"Why Namba wan? Why aw you doig dis? We aw lubbed you zo much! I jaws wan do ged you 'elp Nigew!"

Nigel might have not even heard her, as he proceeded to lift her up in a knotted ball and threw her into the trash can at the end of his driveway. He shoved in the limbs that hung over the rim of the can, as if lingering to remain in world where it had once belonged. The last he saw of her was her bleeding angelic smile that peered at him despite all the anguish and excruciating pain. He slammed the can shut with the lid and lifted it up. He walked toward his backyard while it vibrated frantically and emitted muffled screams.

In less than an hour Nigel had dug a hole deep and wide enough to contain her. He dropped in the can like a time capsule that would be lost to the world forever.

Numbuh 3 still tried her very best to hold on to whatever form of life she could possibly still hope to retain. "Namba wan, pweab I beggig you. I won' go in you woom anymo' wifow you pahmidgen! I pwamiz! I won' eat da laz coogie fwum da fwidge ebba again! I know I nah perfeg, bah I swear I' tway hadah do be a bedda person! Gib me wan mo' chance Namba wan sir!

He covered it up with a 3 foot mound of dirt and patted it tight. He then returned to his house and reclined on the sofa, watching Teen Titans for the rest of the evening.

Three days later Father walked his new dachshund terrier down the lane toward the dog park, hoping to meet slutty dog owners and score some pussy.

Suddenly the dog began barking anxiously. Directing its leash toward a patch of dirt beside Nigel's house.

"No, Skipper, I'm not talking to Nigel. He's been a real jerk lately. God, what the fuck is that terrible smell?"

But the dog continued to yelp deliriously. Father let go of the leash momentarily in order to pick his ass, when suddenly his dog began to anxiously dig up the dirt. Soon enough it had reached a metal surface.

"Wow good job Skipper! Do you think it's a sex robot? Man I could use one of those." Father spoke to the animal like a fucking retard. The smell become more pungent with each passing second.

But the dog continued digging and eventually revealed a handle atop the surface. Father approached the spot and lifted the top. Though at first gleefully excited at his discovery, his expression became disgusted at the haunted atrocity he had just stumbled upon. Looking upward was the face of Numbuh 3's corpse, the eyes frozen in an open position.

Kuki's eyes were dilated and fluorescently white. Her pale gray pupils seemed to be popping out of her face, ready to burst in a flurry of bland colors. Enormous purple circles surrounded her face, as if she had taken a beating from a sockum robot. The skin was peeling from her face, revealing bright pink facial muscles. Yellow pus dripped from the deep lesions spread about her body.

"Ah shit," Father said. "Now I have to get my ass lawyered-up for having my fingerprints all over this chinky bitch." He put the top back on the trash bin and took out his cell phone. "Let's see here..." He scrolled down his contact list which was filled with numbers for attorney offices. "Ahh, yes," he said at last, "Bayer Lee Legal." He pressed the green call button and lifted the phone to his ear.

"This is Bayer Lee Legal law firm, Kani speaking. How may I help you?" asked an Asian man on the other side.

"Yeah, it's Father, the guy you defended for that molestation case. Listen, I just found some dead Asian girl in a trash can and I have a feeling I'm gonna be blamed for this shit."

"I'm sorry sir, did you say she was Asian?" he asked, clearly interested.

"Yeah, she's wearing some oversized green sweater. Must be some sort of slut who got raped and killed."

"THAT'S MY DAUGHTER KUKI!" The attorney became enraged and cried hysterically. "YOU MURDERER, I'M GONNA BEAT YOUR ASS AND CALL THE COPS!"

"Oh fuck!" Father yelled.

Everything suddenly changed as he found himself in bed in a sitting position, drenched in sweat and out of breath. "Phew... it was just a dream."

Numbuh 86 turned over from the other side of the bed, with her hair messy and her eyes sleepy, as she'd been in a deep slumber before her lover had waken her up. "What's wrong dear?" she asked him alarmed.

"Oh." Father said panting. "It's nothing. I just had a terrible dream about some bald English kid. And all his friends were getting killed, and then they turned to be alright, but then he killed them. And the worst part was I was the bad guy! It was awful! And then I was gonna be incarcerated for the murder of some Asian girl that I didn't even kill."

Fanny smiled at him. "Father, relax! That all sounds ridiculous. You know there's obviously no such thing as bad people like that!" Fanny said cheerfully to try and calm him down.

"You're right," Father replied. "I guess I'm just a little shaken up, that's all."

"Well try and get some sleep sweetheart, you have a big day tomorrow."

Father groaned, remembering the big lecture he had to deliver the next day about bogus safety tips from adults.

"Good night," said Fanny, as she turned over and went back to sleep.

"Night," he yawned back as he laid down and rested his head on Wally's pillow, falling into a deep sleep.

End transmission…


End file.
